Who I am vs. Who I Want To Be
Every day I struggle with being the person I wish I was, and being a person that wants to divulge into the materialistic desires of the world. I wish I was skinnier, smarter, more artistic, more driven, less clumsy, less of a failure. Struggles and fears stare me down in the mirror every single day. I meet people who make my heartache or that I just can’t stand, and I often wonder what kind of world we live in.
The world is full of good and full of evil, and the battle between the two will continue. It continues inside of us, driving the choices we make, the way we react, our attitude, our intentions. We have the choice between good and bad- some days are harder than others, some are easier. I often wonder what stops me from being that person I want to be. We all have flaws which I believe just create the opportunity for growth and learning. We all struggle with the two decisions that stand before us or the angel and devil on our shoulders.
Faith Is Of Infinite Importance
I am by no means perfect. Far far from it. But I try to learn and grow. I work on my weaknesses and challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone and be the person I want to be proud of. I am also by no means the most knowledgable Christian. I would not say I am a good person to argue with when it comes to the history and facts that God exists and that Jesus truly walked on Earth, sharing his miracles wherever He went. However, I have a lot of faith. I belong in the category of Christians that believe due to life experiences and the “seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing”. I’ve gone through hard times. I’ve asked the tough questions if God does exist, does He care, does He love me. There are a lot of fantastic quotes by C.S. Lewis but one stands out to me for this topic. “Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.” I don’t lose anything by striving for my relationship with God, and He truly fills the emptiness I felt in my life for so long. (Find more amazing C.S. Lewis quotes from Anchored in Christ).
Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.
So give me Jesus. I intend to live as if my relationship with God and those around me is of infinite importance. I do respect those who feel strongly about their beliefs, as I hope I am equally respected. I also know I will mess up and make mistakes. Every day I will fall short of perfection which is a part of being human, whether you believe in God or not. That is why we need a perfect God. There are thousands of people who use the “turn or burn”, “God is judging you”, “God hates gays”, but not me. That is not my God. My God is a loving God. And His Son lived a perfect but hard life during his time on Earth. Even though I know I won’t be perfect, and there will be times I make people mad or disappointed, I want to strive towards growing and learning.
Jesus Was Beyond Relatable
Something that never fails to amaze me is when Jesus cried out to God when He prayed after the Last Supper. If you don’t know, the Last Supper was Thursday, the day before Jesus was crucified and arrested even though He was innocent. Jesus went to pray and He cried out to God to save Him from the pain that was coming. We will never understand the sadness and agony Jesus was in, but He knew something greater was coming. Read more about the Last Supper here.
Then He went a short distance away from them. There He got down on His knees and prayed. He said, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup of suffering away from Me. But do what You want, not what I want.” An angel from heaven appeared to Jesus and gave Him strength. Because He was very sad and troubled, He prayed even harder. His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. – Luke 22:41-44
Even someone who was perfect struggled with sin, pain, sadness, troubled times. As heartbreaking as this time was for Jesus, it should give us hope that we aren’t alone. I think it should give hope to everyone because there is something more and greater for all of us. Through all of our mistakes or flaws, there is hope and a future. And as a person of faith it gives me comfort to believe that maybe my plans are not what is best for me as much as I wish they were.
Hope In My Flaws
The gap between where I am and who I want to be can be filled with the comfort that there is a plan. There is forgiveness. There is hope in broken-ness and pain. Jesus died to take away every sin that I have done and will do in my lifetime. So give me Jesus as I grow, as I fall, and as I rise above my own plans for myself. Give me Jesus as I learn from my mistakes and forgive myself. I strongly believe if we can accept that we aren’t perfect but that God is, that we deserve forgiveness and it should be given, and that there is more to life that worldly pleasures, we can be who we want to be. The person we are proud to be.
So whether you are seeking, believing, or just unsure, know that there is hope in the world and those that surround us. Know that there is more for you than you could have ever imagined.
Feel free to comment below if you feel more encouraged, whether you have faith or not!